


Whistle Me A Silent Memory

by general_xryx



Series: What Could Have Been Us [1]
Category: Choices: It Lives Anthology, It Lives (Visual Novels), It Lives in the Woods (visual Novels)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Canonical Character Death, Choices: Stories You Play - Freeform, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmare talk, Pixelberry, Platonic Relationships, Sacrifice, Slow Burn, Teen Angst, fuck i miss the marshall twins, pb give me noah marshall back, right in the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:55:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27366916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/general_xryx/pseuds/general_xryx
Summary: The screams don’t stop, they never do since that fateful night on November 3rd and every other night after it--you’re plagued by her.There’s so much you wish you could tell them. How much you wished to hear Jane’s laughter one last time. How much you wished to tell Noah just how you felt about him for 12 years.You wrap your arms around Jane’s cold and frail body and you weep as she clings onto you for warmth, safety, attention and love. Things you wished you could have given all those years ago. Those nightmares will never be the last place you’ll ever see her, you’re with her now and you're keeping your promise.
Relationships: Jane Marshall & Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Noah Marshall & Main Character (It Lives in the Woods), Noah Marshall/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Noah Marshall/OC
Series: What Could Have Been Us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1998985
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Whistle Me A Silent Memory

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of It Lives In The Woods that was released 3 years ago, (bless this amazing book) and in the honor of Jane Marshall's death on November 3rd 2003 and inspired by the song, “Safe & Sound” by Taylor Swift feat. The Civil Wars.
> 
> So, amidst my assignments that are due this semester, I whipped this up at 3 a.m. just in time for November 3rd because my heart aches for the Marshall twins that much.
> 
> Might be making 5 part series revolving around Noah Marshall and Arya, just cause I miss my boy and probably want to torture myself after replaying ILITW.

* * *

__

* * *

_November 3rd, 2002. Sunday, 1230 - Marshall Household_

"Janie, where are you?" You call out to her in a sing-songy voice and you hear giggling not far away. 

"Shusssh, Jane! Arya will find you if you keep giggling!" Noah's voice comes out in a hushed tone, yet he's still unable to keep the excitement out from his voice.

"Come out, come out wherever you are! Or you can say goodbye to Noah's grilled cheese sandwiches!" You snicker when you hear the both of them gasp in unison. Jane is the first to sprint out from the bushes and Noah's head bobs up from it before following her from behind.

"Ah, victory is mine!" You hold up a grilled cheese sandwich as if it were a trophy and bow down, watching as Jane and Noah stop running right before you.

"That's cheating, Arya." Noah huffs grumpily but the wide grin on his face says otherwise.

"It's called being smart. Now, as punishment-" They both groan together with Noah rolling his eyes and Jane pouting urging a small laugh from you. "-As punishment, Noah eat Jane's crusts and Jane you shall be today's jester!" 

"What! I do that all the time anyway!" Noah retorts, grabbing Jane's plate of crusts as Jane smiles sheepishly at him.

"Then, that's not hard at all, right? Do you want a better punishment?" You give him a sly grin and he mumbles something underneath his breath.

"Yeah, Noah! You're not the clown here!" Jane picks up small branches with leaves on them and sticks them in her red hair. 

"Did you check for ants, Jane?" You ask her and she nods, waving you away. 

"Now, relax! I will put on a show for my two favourite people in the world. Wait here, okay?" Jane disappears into the Marshall house and Noah shares his plate of crusts with you. You pop one into your mouth when you're sure Jane is out of sight.

"I'm her first favourite." Noah pokes your side and you cover your mouth from laughing. 

"Duh, you're her twin and you do eat _all_ of her crusts more than I do. But she doesn't need to know that. It'll be our secret." Noah's eyebrows shoot up and you give him a playful shove. 

"You won't tell?" 

"Nope! Now, quick gimme another before she gets here!" Noah swings his arm around and you bump your foreheads together, smiling goofily at each other. Jane emerges shortly after in a long shirt and a crown full of branches and leaves, face full of red lipstick with a tambourine, a long stick and your whistle in hand. Your eyes widen in surprise and beside you, Noah bursts out laughing, clutching his stomach as he falls backward from the bench into a pile of leaves. 

"Oh, my." You pull Noah out from the leaves and when you look back at Jane she starts to hit the tambourine, swinging the stick around as she dances around the table making up a funny tune. You and Noah start laughing as Jane's tune gets louder and the dogs from next door start barking in unison. A small dog emerges from the fence behind and runs up to Noah, covering him dog drool.

"Gross." Noah smiles cheekily as he wipes his face and Jane lights up at the little pup. She waves her stick at the the dog and yells, "Fetch, boy!" Soon enough, the three of you start playing fetch and tag, running around in circles, panting and out of breath. 

"Run, Arya, run!" Jane yells.

* * *

You’re running as fast as your legs can carry you through the woods. You can barely see anything through the pitch black darkness yet you feel the uneven ground, slick with mud beneath your feet coaxing you to trip, you feel the sting of the branches whipping past you, leaving scratches and red marks on your arms and face and yet you keep running. 

You have to, you must and you will _\--because she’s calling you. She’s screaming your name, she’s pleading for help and you have to get to her no matter what._

“Please, Jane! Hang on, I’m coming to get you!” You gasp for air, your voice isn’t yours and you’re not sure whose it is. It burns when you speak again and tears prick your eyes from the guilt. 

You’re just not fast enough, never good enough, never the best friend you hoped you could be for her. 

A head-splitting whistle blows and it’s deafening enough to drown out her cries. Another one comes after the other and another followed by another until you’re screaming out her name to find her in the dark abyss around you, unsure where to go when the sound comes from all sides of you.

“Jane! Please stop! You need to tell me where you are!” 

“Arya! Why won’t you come for me, you promised you would never leave! You promised to be here by my side, to save me! _I’m so scared, Arya, please hurry._ ” Her voice is so small, so fragile and delicate but it carries and the weight of it is heavy, forcing you to your knees to cradle your head in your hands. 

The screams don’t stop, they never do since that fateful night on November 3rd and every other night after it--you’re plagued by her. 

You ride the nightmare as it is, unable to wake yourself up and if the lucky chance you did, you find yourself drenched in your own cold sweat, shaking and most definitely crying. Something you hated to do, a vulnerability you never dared show to others but when it came to her and how much you _failed_ … the tears come easy and you let them fall freely. 

You don’t tell anyone of this, you’re certain they have their own monsters to deal with in the night. You’re supposed to be the rational one, the glue that keeps your little merry band of amateur monster hunters together, the one that knows just what to say, what to do and how to act. And you do just that, for the sake of them and their sanity and perhaps you do it because you do care for them even after dropping off the face of the earth, avoiding each other like the plague. That’s in the past now, though the past doesn’t seem so far away when you think about it.

Noah watches you like a hawk when you think you’re not around them, he knows and you know he does. He doesn’t say anything about the nightmares at first and you take the opportunity to address his instead, to let yourself show him how much you truly did care for him, because you still do. You never really would leave him, if it would be anyone, it wouldn't be him. 

If anyone knew how you felt, it was him. Noah understood you more than Jane did, more than your other friends, more than your non-existent parents. In a way, when you distanced yourself, all those years spent alone, you thought only of Noah and Jane, your best friends, and how you managed to fail, disappoint and anger the very same two people you most cared about in the entire world. 

But, you’re working that out with Noah, together. Because you need him more than you could ever put it into words no matter how well it looked like you were coping.

It’s almost comical how quickly you both fall into step with each other, as though the past 10 years didn’t manage to break the bond you both had. If anything, you felt it was stronger somehow. Noah looks at you more, _really looks at you,_ in a way that hurts your heart but you find yourself relishing in the pain. 

_It’s so good to feel normal with him again._

He speaks to you more, holds you a little closer every chance he gets and it’s a silent agreement, one where the both of you need not speak to understand each other. One thing led to another, almost to the point you can’t see him anywhere else but by your side. Not that this wasn’t the case back then, you always knew you wanted him there in your life. It just hurt to be around him, the eyes you loved so much to look at, looked at you with pure hatred. At least that’s what you thought, which again wasn’t the case. 

* * *

You’re sitting at the fountain in front of the school with Noah one evening, the skies are dusted with pink and purple hues making Westchester look warm and picturesque. Everyone else has their own thing going on tonight, managing themselves to be kept in the loop of everyday life. You hear the faint sounds of laughter, cheers and screams from inside the school and you sigh wistfully. Were it not for Dan in a coma or the fact that anyone else could die at any given moment, or perhaps the slight fact that a vengeful wraith wants more blood to spill, you would think things were normal, far better than what normal used to be.

“Quiet.” Noah says to you in a hushed tone, almost urgently and immediately you straighten up. With your fight or flight response kicking in, you leap to your feet looking around sensing for any danger and instinctively your hand goes to reach for your concealed dagger and another outstretched arm in front of Noah in just a matter of seconds.

“Damn me, for not bringing Batsy. Where, what do you see?” You mutter under your breath, your voice dripping with venom, you keep your eyes peeled around your surroundings, eyeing every nook and cranny for signs of something unusual. You look back to Noah and he stares at you as though you’ve grown two heads. 

“What, what is it? Are you okay? What did you see?” The words spill out all at once and you look him over, checking for signs of anything on him. You twist and turn him around, lifting his arms you pull his sleeves up when he stops you with a breathless, mirthful laugh. Your eyes snap back to his and he pulls his arms away from you only to envelop you in a warm hug. You’re taken aback, stiffening when he runs his hands up and down slowly and you can’t find it in yourself to hug him back just yet. 

“Answer me, are you okay?” You say, muffled by speaking into his chest. You think you might pass out from the amount of touch you’re getting.

“ _I’m_ okay.” He says, placing his chin on your head and you shake him off for a moment.

“Then why’d you make it sound like something was creeping up on us?” You look up at him, his arms still wrapped around you and he sighs, rolling his eyes and you frown when he does so.

“I was telling _you_ to be quiet.”

“But, I wasn’t saying anything. Oh no, do you think… will they get in your head...what if they-” Noah stops you before you say anything else that remotely sounds ridiculous and would not indeed help the situation you’re currently facing.

“You weren’t. You were just thinking and it was noisy. You get that face when you’re thinking too hard. Nothing good perhaps.” He’s right of course.

“Mind you, it was important!” You hit him, lightly on the shoulder and he fake winces. 

“But not good, right?” He says with a sly smirk but it falls flat when he sees your face.

You shrug and he reaches up to cup your cheek gently, almost hesitantly as if he was unsure if he should be allowed to do so. He looks to you as though seeking for permission and you finally wrap your arms around him, leaning into his touch, closing your eyes to bask in the attention you never knew you craved so desperately. 

“Just thinking about how better than normal it would have been if none of this happened at all. If I only didn’t fail her or...or hurt you. I could have just said no and we all could have just left. Then, maybe I didn’t have to lose the only two people I ever cared about. She hates me, I can feel it in my bones how much she despises what I didn’t do for her.” You swallow thickly, the guilt of losing her to that _thing_ even when you were nearby was rendering you helpless. 

“Jane wouldn’t feel that way, Arya.” Noah whispers to you as he tucks you in under his chin, his grip tightening around you.

“She would, she says it all the time. And when I look at you, I see it too. How much you despise me for it, and I just ran. Why do you think I pushed everyone away? Why I pushed you away? Pretty fucking selfish of me, huh?” You bark out a sardonic laugh. 

“You know I don’t hate you and neither does Jane.” His voice cracks and you feel him shudder, like a dam about to break. 

“But you should and I can’t ask for forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it. One promise is all it took and I couldn't even do that. I’m not good enough for her and she hates me for it and I’ll never be good enough for you because you deserve so much more than what I am. You were both my best friends and I couldn’t do anything and I lost you all in one night.” Your grip on Noah’s jacket loosens and you pull away from his touch, digging your palms into your eyes. 

“Look at me.” He grabs the sides of your arms and gently shakes you. Between the two of you, you might be the first to break tonight.

“I-I can’t, Noah.” Your voice loses it composure, the fake bravado and confidence within you cracking with every second and you scold yourself to not cry in front of Noah. 

“Yes, you can. So look at me, Arya. _Please, just come back to me._ ” Noah lifts your chin up, cupping both your cheeks gently in his hands afraid you might break and you’re pretty sure at this point you just might.

His words stab you in the chest and you look up to him, holding his wrists shakily and he whispers to you, telling you that everything is going to be okay. You would have laughed to find that the roles are reversed now, if you didn't feel like shit. But his words...It sounds so empty, like he doesn’t believe it and you know he’s right. We have no idea what we’re going to do. 

“You...don’t need to comfort me, Noah. I don’t need to be comforted, I don’t deserve it.” He hears you, he sees you but for some reason he ignores your words.

“Then, all I want is for you to come back to me. Let me have that at least, please.” Noah’s trembling as he says this and you wince at how much pain is seeping into you.

And so for the first time in years, you let yourself cry into his arms in plain sight, years of unshed tears spill onto your cold cheeks and Noah rubs them away gently, soothing you with his touch and you tighten your grip on him afraid of losing him again. You cry and this time, you're not alone and you're not cold.

_How could you lose him again? You wouldn’t. You’re going to make sure of it._

* * *

Back where you first lost her, you willed it to be just another nightmare. One where Noah couldn’t hear you, the blade of Ava’s knife staring back at you instead.

_No, not again. Please, not him. I can’t lose him again._

“You lied to _me?_ All those times we talked… Every time I tried to comfort you… Was all of that a lie?” 

“No...Not all of it. I never lied to you. I just… I just left some things out!” 

You look away, biting your lip hard enough to draw blood. It suddenly stings to look at him again. Your friends are all thrown into darkness and Jane reaches out for Noah.

_No one is going to take him away. I already lost one, I can’t lose another._

“Jane! Stop it, right now! Don’t you hurt him, Jane.” 

_Noah would never forgive himself if he hurt you. Whistle me a silent memory now, won't you?_

Noah shakes his head, as if throwing something off, then looks from you to Jane in disbelief. 

“Arya… Jane, she...Oh god, I almost…”

“Noah, it’s okay…” You both reach for each other at the same time, fingers intertwining, holding each other close and long enough to crumble to pieces. Your heart hammers together with his, heads buried in each others necks as uncontrollable sobs wracked through your bodies, shaking desperately for any kind of relief.

_How far are you willing to go to save the people you love? No matter how late it is…_

“J-Just tell me what to do, okay, Arya? Like old times.”

“Noah and I are gonna figure this out… and then you’ll be able to go home.”

_There’s so much you wish you could tell them. How much you wished to hear Jane’s laughter one last time. How much you wished to tell Noah just how you felt about him for 12 years._

You swallow, feeling the weight of your next words as they rise in your throat.

“Please, Noah. Don’t argue with me.” 

“I won’t let you do this! I just can’t!”

“It’s not your choice to make.” 

"I can't live like this...please."

"You will. For me, okay? Live for me just as I'll die for you. For Jane."

"You don't understand...I can't live without you...Not like this..."

"She's waiting, Noah. I promised her, let me go, okay?"

"Don't..."

" _Noah, please._ "

_How many times have we broken down in each other’s arms like this? I wasted so much time not loving you as I should have done and the way you're holding onto me is not making it any easier._

“This is all my fault…”

“No, it’s not. It never was and it never will be.” You rub circles on his back, cradling him in your arms. His grip on you is tight, the kind where his nails dig into your skin, leaving red crescents on you. The only physical mark he will ever leave on you and soon enough that will fade too. 

“How can you say that, after everything?” 

“Because I want you to remember it.” 

_And yet you leave with so many things unsaid._

_How could you live with yourself knowing that not only could you have kept your promise to Jane but see Noah live like he should have. To repair the childhood that was ripped away from him?_

“But, Arya...I’m so afraid.”

“I know. I’m scared, too. But it’s gonna be okay, now. I’m here, Jane. And I’m gonna keep my promise. Just let me take over, okay?”

_I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go, when all those shadows almost killed your light… I remember you said don't leave me here alone…_

You wrap your arms around Jane’s cold and frail body and you weep as she clings onto you for warmth, safety, attention and love. Things you wished you could have given all those years ago. 

Those nightmares will never be the last place you’ll ever see her, you’re with her now and you're keeping your promise.

_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight... Just close your eyes, the sun is going down…_

“You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now...Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. I promise.”

“You’ll stay here, for me?”

“Always, what are best friends forever for, Janie?”

“Yeah! I’m glad it’s you, Arya.”

“Me too.” 

Jane slips away from your grip, like wisps of red smoke as bright as her hair and _you cry--once again,_ _alone and cold._

* * *

_Nearby, someone you hold near and dear to your heart does the same, cradling you in his arms one last time and you can only hope he forgives you for being so selfish in the end. Because Jane is asleep now, and the both of you can rest in peace knowing the one person that brought you closer than ever is safe and sound._

* * *


End file.
